1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt

2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.

3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend

I am not capable of being vulnerable. 

I’ve encountered a lot of people who essentially brag about their protected nature. Boast about how “strong” they are. The number of walls they have erected against others is etched on their hearts with pride. I don’t want to be this way. I want to be able to open up to those who love me. Bare my heart and allow them to wrap their arms around me and envelop me in their empathy and comfort. I haven’t felt safe in a very long time.

These defense mechanisms I’ve spent the past 5 years fine-tuning have kept me emotionally isolated. The fear of someone getting too close and discovering what makes my heart ache & what keeps me up at night is debilitating. I know I have great friends; friends who love me and would go to great lengths to comfort and protect me. My goal is to get to a point where I can reciprocate the trust and love they give to me so freely. I just don’t know how. 

“‎A heart that has learned to trust can be at rest in the world.”